Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
