And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
