his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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