My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
