I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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