Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
