he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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