we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
