I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Randomize
