Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize