after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
