News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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