k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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