well I can't set my house on fire every night
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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