After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize