How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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