i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
