I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
