we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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