Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
