Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
