i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
this is an emotional support booty call
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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