Hey man sorry I got all grabby
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
