please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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