So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize