His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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