Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
