You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
