I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
cat food counts as protein by the way
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
