I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
