I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
