Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize