Will you blow on my dice?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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