Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize