is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
