his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
