I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
