Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
