I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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