Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
