I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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