Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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