Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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