I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
