There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
