Do you still have your period?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
