he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
