woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
