If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
