I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
