So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize