You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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