I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
