We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize