im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize