Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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