I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
