This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
