How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
