I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
