im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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