he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
