this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
